So I've just turned 20 and waiting for the 'grown up' feeling. I don't have it and I'm asking myself; "what was all the hype about?" because i can tell you now that life is as boring as it was last week.
Now that we have established that today is as it was last week, when i was 19, it's time to move on and maybe get a new attitude. So being young, black and 'Model C' in the new South African is quite challenging, especially when you are trying find just the "right attitude".
First of all, you have to decide which colour you are in the 'rainbow nation', because like it or not, you have to choose. I don't know about other families, but in mine, no one really put any emphasis on colour (race), as a result i find myself having to struggle in defining where i fit in.
Basically it's all about not being 'black enough' or 'thinking you are white a.k.a coconut'; it's a bit like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. No one considers you 'black', because you know more english than your mother tongue and whose fault is that?
and obviously you're not white, because you're just look black! ahhhhhhhhh! what does anybody want from me? clearly, i'm the dumbo who really believes in the 'rainbow nation', if such a concept ever existed, because the way people are acting...someone is having one on me.
Blame it on me being naive; living in lala land, but can't we all just get along....!
These are one of the days when i feel like screaming at the top of my voice;"stop the world, i wanna get off!"
6 October 2008
What now!!!
So, I've just turned 20 and I'm waiting for wisdom to settle on me like a blanket, and waiting.....
Nothing seems to have changed since last week, when i was 19, except maybe the weather. As i was cleaning the pool, yes that was me doing manual labour, contemplating betrayal (by friends). I remembered one of my favourite gurus, John Demartini saying to me;"People don't betray you, you betray yourself by having unreasonable expectations upon their values."
Now this is the part where I'm questioning my own thought pattern and value system. "It's human nature to expect some level of loyalty from a friend, parent or sibling", I say. That's why they have those titles, isn't it?
Hello! obviously i don't expect a friend to act like a stranger or an enemy. They are suppose to have my back; love me with my faults (kind of) and I will do the same.
Well, experience has taught me different in significant cases, and it is shame on me. As if it isn't hard enough growing up in the 'rainbow nation' as it is. I promise you, something is conspiring against me.
You'd be surprised to know what 'it' is that is plotting against you. The answer my friend is simply, yet hard to come to terms with, 'it' is YOU (your subconscious, inner being or whatever you want to call it). Your world (or rather mine) is a creation of your inner world. so basically what happens in the physical world, is a creation of your mind. This is great!, because now you can create your reality, but in most cases, your subconscious can and will be your worst enemy, if it is not closely monitored.
It is thus clear that the more i focus in my feelings of Betrayal, it's the more i attract betrayal in my life.
Not meaning to sound better than thou, but it is clear that i was expecting a higher level of nobility on their value system, not that they have crappy values, that is.
Expectation results in disillusionment and other feelings of hurt.
MY solution
Train your mind so that you may create the reality you are looking for, and don't expect more than you are willing to give.
As Robert Camus said; True generosity towards the future, consists of giving all to what is present.
Maybe I'm getting just a bit wise in my old age of 20. Maybe there is a change from last week and I'm not talking about South Africa's political environment. In all the craziness of this world, remember that your mind is like a garden. In order to reap great fruit, you must plant seeds of prosperity, love and light and tend to it. Otherwise weeds will grow and that will reflect in your life in the most unexpected ways.
love, light and prosperity
Nothing seems to have changed since last week, when i was 19, except maybe the weather. As i was cleaning the pool, yes that was me doing manual labour, contemplating betrayal (by friends). I remembered one of my favourite gurus, John Demartini saying to me;"People don't betray you, you betray yourself by having unreasonable expectations upon their values."
Now this is the part where I'm questioning my own thought pattern and value system. "It's human nature to expect some level of loyalty from a friend, parent or sibling", I say. That's why they have those titles, isn't it?
Hello! obviously i don't expect a friend to act like a stranger or an enemy. They are suppose to have my back; love me with my faults (kind of) and I will do the same.
Well, experience has taught me different in significant cases, and it is shame on me. As if it isn't hard enough growing up in the 'rainbow nation' as it is. I promise you, something is conspiring against me.
You'd be surprised to know what 'it' is that is plotting against you. The answer my friend is simply, yet hard to come to terms with, 'it' is YOU (your subconscious, inner being or whatever you want to call it). Your world (or rather mine) is a creation of your inner world. so basically what happens in the physical world, is a creation of your mind. This is great!, because now you can create your reality, but in most cases, your subconscious can and will be your worst enemy, if it is not closely monitored.
It is thus clear that the more i focus in my feelings of Betrayal, it's the more i attract betrayal in my life.
Not meaning to sound better than thou, but it is clear that i was expecting a higher level of nobility on their value system, not that they have crappy values, that is.
Expectation results in disillusionment and other feelings of hurt.
MY solution
Train your mind so that you may create the reality you are looking for, and don't expect more than you are willing to give.
As Robert Camus said; True generosity towards the future, consists of giving all to what is present.
Maybe I'm getting just a bit wise in my old age of 20. Maybe there is a change from last week and I'm not talking about South Africa's political environment. In all the craziness of this world, remember that your mind is like a garden. In order to reap great fruit, you must plant seeds of prosperity, love and light and tend to it. Otherwise weeds will grow and that will reflect in your life in the most unexpected ways.
love, light and prosperity
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